Animation

It seems as if every year we get a slew of animated that should never have been made. Shrek, the biggest animated film of 2002 was retarded and simply overshadowed the far superior Monsters Inc. So what will be the big animated hit of this summer and will it be worth seeing? We’ve got a couple of lousy looking films in the runnings.

First: Cars – Opens June 9th. I really don’t know what to think of this one. The preview makes me think of Thomas the Tank Engine (actually I don’t even really know anything about Thomas, but I think he is a train with a face). This really doesn’t appeal to me, but, being from Pixar this is sure to be well made, funny, and family friendly (which all animated films should be, but are not as we have found with the Shrek films).

My Rating: 7/10 – This might be higher if they were not advertising for the kids of Nascar fans.

Second: Chicken Little – Another Disney movie not-worth-watching. This may have its funny moments, but for the most part it is a movie about a queer little chicken who whimpers and accidentally saves the world… oh yeah, and he also has annoying side kicks.

My Rating: 3/10 – This one only gets points for having R.E.M. in the preview (despite being cliché).

Third: Madagascar - May 27th – Has there ever been a funny animated movie from Dreamworks? Well, lets see… Shrek - funny but crude – Shrek 2 – not very funny, more crude – Shark Tale – pardon my French, but…gay. Could this movie be good…well if you base that on the previews… possibly, but we all can imagine the stupidity that will ensue when this movie actually hits the big screen. Yet another Dreamworks animated film to avoid.

My Rating 3/10 – No good.

And Finally: Wallace and Gromit – Finally these two are making it to the big screen. But will this be a masterpiece like their shorts were? First we should think about the quality of the W&G short films. The first one, A Grand Day Out, featured not-so-splendid claymation, but incredibly hilarious plot, dialog, and visuals. Next came The Wrong Trousers, in my opinion the best of the short films. Great animation, great plot, great character development, great everything. A Close Shave was also funny but lacked the charm of the first two. We can also look at the film Chicken Run to get an idea of what Nick Parks motion pictures are like. I don’t think we will find the Wallace and Gromit motion picture to be spectacular, but it will no doubt be one of the best animated films of the year.

My Rating: 8/10 – I sure hope I am wrong.

The Year of the Yao

Okay, so I must admit, when I saw the title for this one I thought it was gonna be a kung-fu flic (as far as I know it still could turn out to be just that). Here is what I have found out about this one so far: "We are going to take you on a journey of adventure, mystery and romance" says Lextor Hamilton of Fine Line Features. "I don't have any idea what he was talking about" says Yao, assisted by translator Jimmy Ho "I thought it was a kung-fu flic."

As everyone who follows Pro basketball should know, Yao Ming is the 7'5" superstar from China. I however do not follow Pro b-ball (or Kobe-ball as I like to call it) so I had to ask Taylor who he was. Supposedly he started out in China as a 3'7" baby, and has grown into his shoes to become one of the greatest chinese basketball players playing pro ball in america currently.


Some may not like Yao, I am not really sure why they would not, and I am not saying that I don't... why would you think that I was saying that I don't like him? What kind of person do you think I am? I don't understand why you can't simply let me tell you what's on my mind without interupting me and calling me racist or something. Thanks a lot... all I was gonna say is that Yao is a cool guy...

My Rating: 6.5/10 - I don't know, maybe it will have kung-fu!